WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND…
Feyikemi has been married to David for 3 years now and all she can see is a man different from the one she loved when in school. He seems to be totally oblivious of her emotions and even when she cries and expects him to pet her and help wipe her tears, David will say sorry and just continue with his work. This is far from the David that will call her more than 10times when they were courting to know if she was feeling better.
At other times, she has noticed whenever she gets hurt, sick or nursing any sickness, the moment he addresses it, that’s the end! He never bothers to ask the second day if she’s feeling better.
Then when Toju falls sick, he will just wake up, go to work and about his normal duties as if nobody is ill. On the other hand, Feyi keeps checking her babies face and temperature at almost every 5minutes.
These and more has made Feyi to conclude that her husband is insensitive and that their love is dying.
But is their love really dying?
If you were to have a group of married men tell you what their issues are with their wives and have the wives too say what their issues are with their husbands, there’s a 70% guarantee that you’d be able to pick the same or similar issues. Why? because MEN have common characters while WOMEN have common characters.
The moment a woman understands the peculiarity of a man and vice versa, that’s the moment they begin to have fulfilment, contentment and peace in their relationships.
It’s striking to note that a lot of people get married without knowing the peculiarities of each gender and so, when these peculiarities begin to show up in marriage, they feel frustrated, tired and overwhelmed and keep wondering why he or she behaves like that and when or if he or she will ever change.
Taking a cue from Dave Burrows, it is what you don’t know that hurts you.
A lack of correct information about the opposite sex will no doubt continually lead to friction and hopes dashed!
It is very easy for you to feel that your perspective should be the same for the other party or that he/she should feel the same way you feel.
A common misconception of young guys when dating as Dave says is thinking that a girl wants to become sexually involved, but what she really wants is relationship and security. So, she becomes sexually involved with the hope of getting this relationship and security.
On the flip side, girls think guys want a relationship but not realising the guys are after them for sex.
It will be a total aberration for anyone to think male and female are the same. The male has the hormone called testosterone which tells him to have a good time when he sees a lady while a lady’s hormone called Estrogen tells her that she might have found the relationship she’s looking for, when she notices a guy is after her.
So, through ignorance, a guy desiring to have a good time of sex meets with a girl desiring relationship and then, the one seeking relationship ends up being empty handed while the one seeking sex gets fulfilled! (Not so for REAL MEN)
A lot of differences abound in the physical and psychological make up of a man and a woman and I know we must have heard this a lot. However, if you don’t care to read further and understand better, the opposite sex and even your own sex, you’d get frustrated in marriage when you see the shoot outs while it’s something you are to accept, creatively Live with while enjoying yourself in marriage.
It tends to play out more in marriage because this is “the place of a man’s rest” He is no longer pursuing you. He has slept with you many times and he is now truly in his element without any mask whatsoever.
I’d really need to appeal to both SINGLES and MARRIED to go out there and buy books that address the differences in gender. It will really help you keep your sanity in marriage.
For example, it’s not new for women to feel their husband is not caring when dealing with a sick child. Men can be more cold but calculating while women tend to be more warm but emotional. This is just one out of a lot of differences.
Again, we have heard this before I believe but if you don’t go on a search to study more and understand it, you’d be full of surprises in marriage which can constantly make you to expect more than can be given to you and of course when expectations are not met, frustration is inevitable. However, Understanding will solve the riddles, any day and time.
– Bukola Adeolu-‘Dele
Love Thrives With Understanding.
How can Feyikemi handle the above scenario having told her husband several times to show more care and concern at these times but he just doesn’t seem to change yet he ensures his family lacks nothing.
Is the above scenario typical of men or it’s just David being “uncaring’
Do drop your comments.
Your comments are priceless!