CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

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So my little daughter started crying so seriously. It was so bad but I was determined not to heed to her request. She wanted a particular brand of biscuit and because she had eaten the same brand and another one, I told her she has to accept the fact that she can’t have it.(despite the fact that I could go and buy it)

She cried and cried but that cry did not make me pity her, rather I thought of the fact that next time I can’t buy that brand and we are possibly outside, she might “disgrace” me in public. She needs to know that she can’t always have all that she wants.

After a while when I couldn’t bear that noise anymore, I called her to my side, hugged her and told her why she couldn’t have it now. She soon stopped crying, got engrossed in other things and then slept off.

When I went out to get other things, I decided to buy it for her, not because she was crying this time but because i just wanted to give it to her. I left it on the table for her to eat whenever she wakes up.

Then my muse spoke…

God has everything we desire and we’d ever need in this life! He can give everything to us physically in a moment if he wants to.

However…

Some of us are living everyday murmuring, complaining, bitter and ungrateful because of our desires. We are so blinded by what we need that we refuse to appreciate what we have already.

Sometimes you might be wondering why it’s taking so long for you to have that thing you desire, it might just be your attitude, disposition and mindset that is postponing the delivery of your desire.

God does not like murmuring.

1Cor10:10
‘Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.”

Phill 2:14
“Do all things without murmurings and disputings:”

Note that she possibly forgot about the biscuit or let it go and then slept. When we let something’s go, it becomes a ticket for our desires.

You must have heard or experienced situations where people desiring a spouse or a child decided to “forget’ about it while they pursue other aspects of their lives with thanksgiving. Most times, God interrupts them when they are no longer worried about it and they just see the fulfilment of their desires.

What is that thing you desire?
God needs to get you to a state where you are no longer worried, sad or complaining about it while you’re totally “asleep” and at rest knowing that he that is faithful to make you wake up every morning can still make you experience your desire.

What’s next?
Get the praise on.
Be joyful.
Be thankful for what you have now and where you are.
Be grateful.
Quit murmuring.
Rest in Him.
Let it go and Let go.

YOU WILL HANDLE YOUR DESIRES IN JESUS NAME AND IT WON’T BE LATE!

CHEER UP?

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There’s a way God works and if you understand it to an extent, you’d find courage, hope and faith to keep on till you see that change you desire on that issue!

They cried out aloud, and cut themselves with knives till blood gushed out.
They called on their god throughout the day but there was no answer!

THE POINT IS… they had all the hours to display.
# Prophets of Baal.

BUT…

When Elijah came on the scene, the word of God says that he repaired the altar and put the wood in order!

THE POINT IS… When all was in place, God showed up with fire!

Note 2 strong points!

1.   The enemy will throw all manner of challenges before you and it seems it’s taking all day and you’re consistently being messed up by these challenges. It doesn’t mean they are winning, they are just trying different strategies to destroy you.

BUT..

How can you compare a god that sleeps to a GOD that does not sleep?

(God is not asleep on your case)

2.   God will always arise when you’ve placed the wood in order! The wood can be likened to the word of God!
Note that Elijah repaired the altar and then placed the wood in order.

Go back and restore your relationship with God. This is not the time to draw back but to get closer. Regardless of your flaws, repair that broken relationship as you get back on your knees in worship and in prayers.

Get relevant scriptures ( the wood) and reason out with him with the content of your prayers.

It won’t take time, FIRE WILL COME DOWN and lick up every seemingly stubborn and long standing challenges on your way including all the attendant mess it has cost you!

Remember that the fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench?

The spirit of God will lick up all traces of your troubles that you’d know of a truth that HE IS GOD!

How can you explain a woman that started this year with possibly less than 100k in her account but ends up a multi millionaire before the year runs out?

Traces of poverty will leave in no time!

What’s the Conclusion of the matter?
A change is definitely the end point regardless of all that is thrown at you now but you have a daring responsibility to call your challenges to fight presenting your strong reasons from the word of God in prayers.

YOUR VICTORY IS SURE!!!

Reference: 1Kings18

# thewordworks
# theresanend
# expectations
# challenges
# fightoffaith
# hope
# victory

  – Bukola Adeolu-‘Dele

FILL IN THE GAP

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Dear MARRIED,

FILL IN THE GAP

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It’s a Friday evening and a lot of things were being done into the night.
The children had woken up in  between,were active and sat to watch a cartoon.
I had to do laundry for the baby and couldn’t leave it till the next morning so I was on top of it as “distraction” from the children were near gone.

Hubby had slept off on the sofa after a long day at work.

By the time I was through, the children were still watching the cartoon as at 12 midnight! So, I switched off the television and went to tuck them in bed.
I also woke up hubby to go to bed as he sleepily went to sleep again.

I went to turn off the generator with all lights off  and made sure all doors and padlocks were locked and then straight to bed.

As I reflected on those few hours of the night thanking God and committing the night rest into his hands, the thoughts came rushing in from my muse…

Imagine you deciding not to tuck the children in the bed, allowing them to do a vigil on a  cartoon,  leaving your hubby to sleep in the living room with the generator running (the rule in my close is for all generators to be off by 12), there are different possible  fallouts that can take place as a result of that.
You could have further said that it’s a man’s job to switch off the generator, lights and ensure the whole house is under lock and key.

BUT
YOU FILLED IN THE GAP!

Dear Married,
Your partner might not necessarily be sleeping physically but sleeping on  his roles and other responsibilities due to one thing or the other.
You might complain much as you want to but what do you do if there’s no response?

YOU’RE TO FILL IN THE GAP!

There are roles you can do something about, so if you know it is within your power to fill in, please do so!
You don’t wait until your partner rises to the occasion when it’s obvious that inactions in those areas will affect both of you and the children.

Dear Married,
Fill up the gaps and don’t leave the dashes.

That…
IS WISDOM for building.

-Love Thrives With Understanding.

Love thrives with understanding.

LADIES, BE WISE!!!

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(True Story but edited )

Tony and Susan have been seeing each other for about 2 years now. Their relationship seemed to be a perfect one. They had  SEX as often as they saw and there was little or nothing they were keeping back. After all,  if person don  see your nakedness,  wetin remain?

Susan had aborted thrice for Tony and was seriously warned by the Doctor the last time so she was determined to keep swallowing the pills and doing all that she could  to make sure she wasn’t pregnant.

Tony on the other hand had no single pill to swallow of course. All he needed was to satisfy his urges, provide the money and they were good to go.

Hmm. …..

Susan was to have lectures the following morning but had to drag herself out of bed. She felt dizzy and funny. She knew how she always felt when pregnancy came calling and so she went for a test.

The cry of a baby is what will be heard in 9months if nothing is done about this she heard clearly in her head! Susan took a drop straight  to Tonys house and there she told him… “We are expecting our fourth baby and I’M NOT GOING TO ABORT THIS TIME”

“What do you mean by fourth baby” Tony replied.
“Oh, so you don’t know you’ve actually being a father 3 times” Susan said.

“My lecturer explains SEX , abortion and how it plays out for us anytime we have her class and seeing her paint the pictures on that white board, I’m  scared my womb might be damaged..,”

Tony almost bursted out in a rage and about to question her on the use of contraceptives and all when he quickly got  a check in his head…

“Pretend you are happy with the pregnancy”

“Oh beautiful. Nothing to worry about. You’ve tried and I guess we just have to keep this one now and start planning our marriage immediately”

Wow! Marriage? Susan couldn’t hide her excitement.
“I’m  surprised you’re accepting just like that Tony” Susan said.

“Come here baby” Tony said. ( I wonder which of the babies) And with that,he pulled her on his bed and they had another amazing session.

It was Saturday evening and Tony had Invited Susan to his house to plan their court wedding over dinner. He had bought some delicacies from an eatery and a drink they shared together.

The next day after church, Susan stood up from her seat and before everyone, drops of blood trickled  down her skirt. The more embarrassing thing was that soon, clots of blood started falling out.  She was rushed to the hospital…

“It’s  an abortion” the Doctor said.

Tony held her hands by her bedside and tried to comfort her and hoping she’d  be discharged very soon. Tears came down her eyes as she held on tightly to Tony.

As he was about leaving for home while hugging her right on the bed he thought…” Now that I’ve successfully  gotten rid of this, it’s the end of this nonsense called  relationship ”

It’s  always dangerous when SEX is involved!

Who tends to suffer more?
LADIES, BE WISE!!!

  – Bukola Adeolu-‘Dele

Love thrives with understanding.

I HAD SEEN IT. ..

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I had seen it before now that a time is coming when Professional Counseling will be highly needed in our country Nigeria. Both paid and voluntary services in counseling will become highly sought after.

I studied counseling in the University as a first choice and not because I just needed to choose a course that was not competitive. As my usual custom is… despite waiting for admission for 7years, I prayed asking God to reveal his desired course for me and I saw it boldly written out! So…. I filled it in as first choice.

Prior to learning and being trained at the University of Ibadan  ( a school I had all my degrees from so far, starting with a diploma to B.Ed, to M.ED and PH.D soon by God’s  grace), I had  counseled people non professionally  but with passion.  THEN as far back as 99, I’d make photocopies of awareness for people hurting to contact me and  I’d paste it on my doors and toilets. SO MUCH WAS AND IS MY DESIRE TO HELP TROUBLED PEOPLE.

Why did I have to type out the above?  You don’t have to wait to be professionally trained to counsel people! A lot more will still die while you’re waiting.

Sure you can get trained,seek for knowledge in books and online but while at that, START COUNSELING RIGHT FROM WHERE YOU ARE.

The news is everywhere of a Doctor who committed suicide recently and then, I saw yet another woman who attempted same today and of course,  many others happened before now, is happening right now and will still happen.

People take their lives for numerous reasons but whatever reason it could be, the point  is that they were driven to a state where their living made no more meaning and could not bare to face the responsibility of living one more second.

This man jumped into the river and some people guessed he might  have been depressed.  Well,  that could be true but what is also true is that you don’t  have to pull  a gun or jump into the river to die by depression. A man can look into the thin air and just give up the ghost due to depression.

A woman few years  ago( where I used to live), having faced serious financial hardship with her husband had to go and plead with her neighbour that she needed food to eat and feed her children. The neighbour  told her she didn’t have. She felt so shattered and I guess it seemed to be her last option.
She asked to use the toilet and that was it!  She gave up the ghost on that seat without an external touch!

I was counseling a young school girl of about 13 years and she told me how she attempted suicide and planned further to kill her mum. Mum is a Single Parent who does not care about her. (long story)

That girl was a time bomb. Momma never knew she could loose not just her own daughter but her own  life too.

Here’s MY CONCLUSION…

FOR all those that are in control of themselves and undertand the dynamics of challenges and then further have a passion and desire to help people,take giant steps forward,showing more love and genuine concern for others.

We handle challenges differently and it’s not exactly the fault of those that are suicidal. Infact, some temperaments are more prone to depression  than the other. Some don’t  just  have the knowledge and the required stamina to keep fighting on.

FOR all those that have issues they know is getting beyond them but are bottling it up for fear of others knowing, please step out and seek help! Don’t assume you can go through this alone. Seek professional counseling.  If you don’t have  money, join a genuine support group but most importantly, don’t stay by yourself.
The thought to jump into the river might just cross your mind one day as you pass by, and if that thought becomes stronger than your inner man, you’re bound to take that leap!

FOR those saying that man is going to hell,  you’d be shocked if he isn’t!

# seek counseling
# seek help
# show love
#givelove

Love thrives with understanding.

MARRIED, PLEASE REAAAD AND HELP FEYI

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WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND…

Feyikemi has been married to David for 3 years now and all she can see is a man different from the one she loved when in school. He seems to be totally oblivious of her emotions and even when she cries and expects him to pet her and help wipe her tears, David will say sorry and just continue with his work. This is far from the David that will call her more than 10times when they were courting to know if she was feeling better.

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At other times, she has noticed whenever she gets hurt, sick or nursing any sickness, the moment he addresses it, that’s the end! He never bothers to ask the second day if she’s feeling better.

Then when Toju falls sick, he will just wake up, go to work and about his normal duties as if nobody is ill. On the other hand, Feyi keeps checking her babies face and  temperature at almost every 5minutes.

These and more has made Feyi to conclude that her husband is insensitive and that their love is dying.

But is their love really dying?

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If you were to have a group of married men tell you what their issues are with their wives and have the wives too say what their issues are with their husbands, there’s a 70% guarantee that you’d be able to pick the same or similar issues. Why? because MEN have common characters while WOMEN have common characters.

The moment a woman understands the peculiarity of a man and vice versa, that’s the moment they begin to have fulfilment, contentment and peace in their relationships.

It’s striking to note that a lot of people get married without knowing the peculiarities of each gender and so, when these peculiarities begin to show up in marriage, they feel frustrated, tired and overwhelmed and keep wondering why he or she behaves like that and when or if he or she will ever change.

Taking a cue from Dave Burrows, it is what you don’t know that hurts you.

A lack of correct information about the opposite sex will no doubt continually lead to friction and hopes dashed!

It is very easy for you to feel that your perspective should be the same for the other party or that he/she should feel the same way you feel.

A common misconception of young guys when dating as Dave says is thinking that a girl wants to become sexually involved, but what she really wants is relationship and security. So, she becomes sexually involved with the hope of getting this relationship and security.

On the flip side, girls think guys want a relationship but not realising the guys are after them for sex.

It will be a total aberration for anyone to think male and female are the same. The male has the hormone called testosterone which tells him to have a good time when he sees a lady while a lady’s hormone called Estrogen tells her that she might have found the relationship she’s looking for, when she notices a guy is after her.

So, through ignorance, a guy desiring to have a good time of sex meets with a girl desiring relationship and then, the one seeking relationship ends up being empty handed while the one seeking sex gets fulfilled! (Not so for REAL MEN)

A lot of differences abound in the physical and psychological make up of a man and a woman and I know we must have heard this a lot. However, if you don’t care to read further and understand better, the opposite sex and even your own sex, you’d get frustrated in marriage when you see the shoot outs while it’s something you are to accept, creatively Live with while enjoying yourself in marriage.

It tends to play out more in marriage because this is “the place of a man’s rest” He is no longer pursuing you. He has slept with you many times and he is now truly in his element without any mask whatsoever.

I’d really need to appeal to both SINGLES and MARRIED to go out there and buy books that address the differences in gender. It will really help you keep your sanity in marriage.

For example, it’s not new for women to feel their husband is not caring when dealing with a sick child. Men can be more cold but calculating while women tend to be more warm but emotional.  This is just one out of a lot of differences.

Again, we have heard this before I believe but if you don’t go on a search to study more and understand it, you’d be full of surprises in marriage which can constantly make you to expect more than can be given to you and of course when expectations are not met, frustration is inevitable. However, Understanding will solve the riddles, any day and time.

  – Bukola Adeolu-‘Dele
Love Thrives With Understanding.

DISCUSSION

How can Feyikemi handle the above scenario having told her husband several times to show more care and concern at these times but he just doesn’t seem to change yet he ensures his family lacks nothing.

Is the above scenario typical of men or it’s just David being “uncaring’

Do drop your comments.
Your comments are priceless!

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ON 5 POINTERS AND KEMEN’S DISQUALIFICATION I WATCH BIG BROTHER. SO….

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If there’s anything that draws my attention like a magnet, it is where singles gather which got me initiated into the Big Brother Naija show.

So, once in a while I pop in and I’m not disappointed. I deliberately watch what interests me and then “log” off!

I’m not disappointed because I’ve seen clearly a lot of things as it has to do with relationships and sexuality.

5 Things out of many others I’d like to point out so far…

1.   When money is involved, what you can do and not do IS THE REAL YOU! So, for everyone that has messed up in front of the world, either because it’s a game or not… That’s the real you!

2. I remember clearly a scene where they were all gathered gisting about relationship and Debbie Rise stood up in their midst with a little book ( I guess a bible) and was trying to explain to them some factors that must be evident in a relationship if a guy truly loves you)

She was tackled by everyone and finally she succumbed as she left their midst.

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Note! We are living in a world where majority goes with pleasure, fun and not a real relationship major goal which has to do with fulfilment of purpose together in an atmosphere of mutual love and focus.

If you want to STAND up for the Truth, then you had better be sure of the truth you’re standing on so that if 20 out of 21 people are against you, you can still STAND!

Always remember this… that LOVE means different things to different people and your definition of love might just be so different from what that guy or lady believes love to be.

3.   Bisola said she doesn’t mind a cheating husband and that is the lies being sold to us in our generation!

I was tagged in a video where a lady speaking in a car kept pushing the fact that all men cheat and you desiring a man that does not cheat is totally impossible. She went ahead to encourage it in so many words I can’t type out and it and my heart broke. Immediately, I remembered someone’s words who said that if we don’t take our place the wrong people would.

( Can’t wait to start my Vlog)

If someone speaking with a smart phone without waiting to perfect the video and then spill out thrash to mislead millions, how much longer should I wait to save others???

Another actress also recently on social media, gave out “advice” on women condoning a cheating husband and helping him with condoms so he doesn’t bring back diseases to you. Oh my! what a shame and shallow statement. Can’t even dissect that now.

4. In relationships, you can’t afford not be discerning. When you have the spirit of discernment, the true personality and make-up of that persons you love will be revealed to you. God is not a wicked God. You can’t be a woman in love and with a working relationship with God in courtship and not be given access into anything hidden in that man you want to spend the rest of your life with!

If you only discovered after marriage, you might have as well being insensitive to signals.

# Bisola
# marriedTTT
# Ese’s “dream”

5.   Finally as I wrap up this piece, it’s on Kemens disqualification from the Big brother house.

PayPorte, the official sponsor of the show released this…

“Hello Everyone, Based on last night’s footage of @Kemen_fitness making sexual moves on @officialtboss_ which sparked a large outrage, we will like to make our stance known on this matter.
PayPorte is strongly against sexual harassment and perversion and we strongly condemn Kemen’s actions. We believe individuals whether under the influence of alcohol or being sober, should have high morals. We will be taking a decisive action on this. We will be updating you shortly.”

a. Kemen simply did what others have been doing but without the consent of the other party!

In life, you are expected to decide on taking some actions. Either bad or good, if you are forced or it’s without your knowledge , it is seen as an infringement on your rights.  Payporte saw this as an infringement on Tboss right.

So, don’t blame anyone for anything you decided and consented to.

b. The same organisers that provided Alcohol in good quantity still expected you to be in control of yourself.

Hmmm….. Life will present you with anything and everything to destroy or make you. You have the power to choose and decide!

c. Regardless of anything wrong Kemen has done, he was and is a man with a bright future ahead of him like you and I.

However, what he had failed to work on, brought him to public disgrace with an evidence that will be there forever!

He was very hopeful and had at one time gisted with Bally on driving the popular “Keke”

He had a chance to showcase his brand on fitness and trainings to the world and very possibly get contracts from similar brands and possibility of being an Ambassador for them thus making him for life if he leveraged well on it.

However, like the enemy’s usual GAME PLAN,, The devil waited for him ON THAT BIG DAY on on that GLOBAL PLATFORM to excuse him from his greatness and he walked right in!

Even the married TTT and Bisola condemned his act! You’d be shocked at those who will condemn you!

Proverbs 31:3…”Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.”

Kemen has given his strength to fingering Tboss and he got excused. Face it or leave it, regardless of how the BBNaija show is not encouraging on morals ( a contrast from Payportes official release), IT’S STILL NOT BY FORCE TO DISPLAY LOOSNESS!

You can use the show to your advantage and that for me is what really matters.

We might not be living under the same roof with the opposite sex for 3 months with all manner of lewdness but guess what? the world YOU and I live is in lewd.

They have few housemates to contest with now, we have the world to contest with!

*Selah

These grey hairs don’t lie

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Here’s a Masterpiece for Singles and Married alike. Folake is a seasoned author I’ve known for years!

Folakemi's Writing Blog

grey-hairedThese gray hairs do not lie (1)

The first blush of love

Hello there, dear grandchild. Why don’t you come in and take a seat, near me here? Take a load off your feet, won’t you? See how you’ve grown, dear child. Do you remember how we used to cuddle up when you were little and in my house for the weekends? Oh, I miss those days, those days when you were little and your grandmother was your best friend.

Yes, I miss those days, but I also love days like this. You know, with you grown and being able to talk sense with me, for me to be able to have a meaningful conversation with you.

Oh, baby, I can see the glow in your eyes, those emotion spots on your cheeks. And believe you me, your grandmother used to have those too, back in the days. You are…

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DON’T ASSUME…

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Patricia had put on her blue jeans and a red top and off she went to visit her friend who lived some miles away that Saturday evening.

Patricia is a banker and hardly finds time to socialise so the little time weekend affords her, she tries to cease it and use it to the best of her ability.

On her way to Toyins house, she got robbed. She was receiving a phone call and just about stepping out to the supermarket, 2 guys surrounded her car and in a split second, snatched her bag from her.

She had a 200naira in her jeans pocket and decided to use that in buying plantain for her friend instead of the mini shopping she planned to do at the supermarket.

Getting to Toyins house, she didn’t just want to mention the fact that her bag was snatched , not wanting Toyin to feel that she went through that on account of visiting her. Moreso, Patricia is someone that easily overlooks things and will not gloss over mishaps or disappointments for days.

She had a nice time with encouraging Toyin and trying to help her snap out of the issue (so she thought) and handed over the plantain to her and promising to see her soon. (Toyin had just lost her job)

Toyin felt disappointed in Patricia. A whole me Toyin thought. How could she give me Plantain worth a paltry sum. Toyin told some of her friends who came visiting, she called up her fiance to tell him, she said it while she gisted in church on Sunday, she posted it (indirectly on facebook) and there the message went on to suggest Patricia as not living up to her status as a banker (even if it was just that day that Patricia could not live up to expectation)

Hmmmm….

Assumption is the termite that destroys and eats up relationships.
Little did Toyin know that Patricia was about getting stuffs for her when she was robbed.
Patricia had gone ahead to spend the only money she had in her pocket to buy the plantain.
If that is not love, what is it?

Yet, Toyin had gone ahead to tell whoever cares to listen how Patricia… a whole banker came to her house with a bunch of plantain worth 200naira.

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The Question is…

If what actually happened behind the scenes is eventually made known to Patricia, HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN SHE GO BACK TO, TELLING THEM THAT WHAT SHE SAID FIRST WAS AN INSINUATION?

Yours might have nothing to do with a bunch of plantain.
It could be anything transpiring between you, your friends, family and partner.
Always give explanations on behalf of people.

If you look back, you’d agree with me that you’ve had experiences of making assumptions on people and finding out you were not right after all. .

How did you feel after that?

What happens if Toyin finds out about all Patricia has said regardless of her efforts?

Run from Assumptions today.

It destroys relationships and leaves you feeling guilty.